I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
