I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
