do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
