I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
