What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
