4 words: hood of his car
i wish my penis had a tongue
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
