So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
