i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
smell my finger.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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