the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
