Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
