He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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