i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
