everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
