i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
