There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
