i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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