someone get that fucking seahorse.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
