3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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