Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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