did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Those nachos came to me in a dream
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
