Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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