Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
