you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
