and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
