if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
