Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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