I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
