I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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