life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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