I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
