So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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