ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
