I got chris browned last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
