i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Boobs are out for the taking
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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