I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
