Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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