we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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