so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
