I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
