Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
