Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
