dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
