hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.