Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.