i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?