Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
