i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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