One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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