remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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