chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
