I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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