ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
