He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
