i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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