once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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