i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
