Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
