so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
