Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
