I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i would punch a child for taco bell
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
