I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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