but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
