saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize