Don't make out with my wife yet
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
