marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
