party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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