New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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