I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
