The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
