Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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