I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
