Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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