You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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