Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
