omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
