She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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