he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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