Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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