I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
