I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
