Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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