I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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